Remember when God left you in the midst of your brokenness and told you to fend for yourself? No, me either. Healing. It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. It is painful. It is like pulling up the band-aid on an almost healed wound, letting it breathe before it is completely healed – once and for all – feeling whatever it is for the last time. I mean, allowing yourself to feel the very thing that just about tore your heart up in two. God showed me that picture in 2017; the band-aid one. That you can treat it, you can put some Neosporin on it, bandage it up, let it begin the healing process, like getting its second skin back, but at some point, or another, it is going to need to be re-applied. You are going to have to lift up the band-aid, though it may be a little painful, and let it breathe. Then re-apply the truth, what God says and remind your heart of what is good, and let it heal some more.
God is our great physician and sometimes we think our wounds aren’t that bad, or we think we don’t have any until there is someone there to take care of us and give a second look. Then, as He peels back the layers, He sees and reveals so much. For eleven years I struggled with a deep, dark and ugly depression that left me attempting suicide and in the midst, I ended up in a two year abusive relationship. My mind, my will, my emotions were all broken. I was broken.
The enemy came in when I was 15 years old and depression just poured over me. I felt worthless, unseen, and he whispered the lie that I would always remain hopeless. I was so weary. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and month into years. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. As a child I believed the lie that I was created broken because I could never remember the together in my life before it broke. When I was 24 I ended up in a relationship that was mentally, emotionally and physically abusive. I opened up my heart, only to have it broken. When the relationship finally came to an end, I didn’t know who I was. I remember telling myself, “ I lost my identity.”
In 2017 the Lord brought me into a season of deep healing and I learned to sit in a very uncomfortable place with God and let Him search my heart. My hours were measured by pressing in harder and longer into God than ever before while He went into the nooks and crannies of my heart and let Him strip away. There were things that God asked me to do, to give up, to let Him dig up and lay at His feet. It was uncomfortable and hard, but a good kind of hard; but I was convinced that it was going to be.
Can we just admit that life can be hard? I know how it feels to not want to get out of bed and would much rather be underneath your literal and metaphorical security blanket because let’s be honest, it is much easier to hide than to say no to all the fear and lies. It is easy to just want to escape, mentally check out and be transported away to another place where we don’t have to deal with any of it. You may have felt that way at some point – your “some point” could be right now. There is nothing you and I can do to stop occasional heartache, pain, and trouble, BUT GOD… He shifts atmospheres and transcends the worst circumstances. The Lord will sustain, strengthen and empower you through it all. Dark storms may hover, but when God hovers, He shines through the darkness. There is not one dark moment in your life that can undo what Christ did on the cross for you.
Today, if life has gotten hectic, things are messy, if you are broken and you have found yourself in a dark place, know that the Lord is right there. Sometimes, you have got to veer off the beaten path, disconnect from the usual stuff, shut out the noise of life, retreat from the world, and hide and abide under the shadow of God’s wings. His presence makes the difference and who He
He is present in every hardship, He is there for the misses, and when your heart skips a beat because you are certain you are alone – breath in, breath out, and remember who walks at the forefront of your life, holding your best interest in His hands, paving the way for His goodness and faithfulness to prevail in your coming days. When you lost touch, fall out of communication and your heart becomes clouded by circumstances and emotions, put your foot down. Don’t let all the direct lines of contact with your Maker to be blurred, don’t lose track of what or who is your focus. When all you see if your pain, you will lose sight of Him. Recognize your old patterns of doubt and discouragement, write them down, get them out and save yourself from the journey between nurtured and spiritually distant. God’s presence and faithfulness remains regardless of how many difficulties you face, you many losses you experience, or how many times you stumble, trip and fall. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.
Today, I am saying a prayer for all the hearts that are healing right now and are in need of healing. I am praying that you will choose to run to Jesus. That you will let Him fill you with peace. That you will rest in His promises. That you will hold fast to His words. I am praying that He holds you even closer.
Keep your eyes fixed on the one who keeps you breathing. Keep your heart tied to the One who strengthens you to keep going. He hasn’t given up on you so don’t give up on Him, and don’t give up on yourself.